" FAMILY AND MARRIAGE THERAPY"
I. VIEW OF HUMAN NATURE
In the early years, many defined the family in a narrow, traditional manner usually including parents and children. Biblically, it is significant that God created one male and one female. The fact that God did not create one man and three women (or two men or two women, or any other combination), but created one man and one woman, gives us a clear message about His purpose in marriage. God first expressed attitude toward His creation and joining together of man and woman was one of blessing: And God blessed them. Throughout the rest of Scripture, there is no indication that God has changed His initial attitude of blessings on marriage.
Let's consider the Hebrew words translated as leave and cleave. Since the Scriptures teach a continuing responsibility to honor, respect, and in later life care for one's parents, leaving does not indicate a total break of relationship. Rather, it indicates the responsibility of the married person to establish a new and separate unit of society. So leaving is one of the basic teaching of Scriptures that leads to the biblical concept of the nuclear family. That is when a man and woman are joined together before God, they form a new, distinct unit of society and are responsible to God to fulfill His purposes in their life together. The word cleave simply means to hold onto and not let go. So cleave describes the permanence and sanctity of marriage. A true biblical commitment in marriage means making a commitment to one marriage partner for life.
One purpose of this study is to encourage our understanding and commitment to obeying the Scriptures in marriage and family relationships, and thus reap God's blessing.
As the field has evolved, the concept of the family is more commonly defined in terms of strongly supportive, long-term roles and relationships between people who may or may not be related by blood.
Nowadays different problems arrises to different families which cause of separations and brokeness. Formal interventions with families to help individuals and families experiencing various kinds of problems have been a part of many cultures, probably throughout history. These interventions have sometimes involved formal procedures or rituals, and often included the extended family as well as non-kin members of the community. Following the emergence of specialization in various societies, these interventions were often conducted by particular members of a community – for example, a chief, priest, physician, and so on - usually as an ancillary function.
II. DEVELOPMENT OF MALADAPTIVE BEHAVIOR
We will now consider some problems in marriage and family life that are experiencing of the most number of individuals in our present time. Admittedly, many couples in our generation face problems and develop maladaptive behavior in their marriage and family life. The first symptom of sin in the human race appeared in the husband/wife relationship. Unequal yoke is one of the negative factor and often cause of argument in husband-wife relationship. It is one of the Biblical role for husband and wife that the husband’s responsibilities in marriage and family life are intended by God to give direction, leadership, and spiritual strength to all in the family. But the concept of the husband's responsibility to "preside over" his home did not happen because sometimes the father himself has no direction, weak and irresponsible, maybe he did not ask for God's guidance and blessings. Some have no plan to find a job to be the source of living for his family. In that case the wife will shoulder the responsibility of the husband who is busy in finding way how she can give and support her family needs which cause negligence to the children. However being a wife and homemaker is a sacred and vital role in light of God's purpose for marriage and family life. The wife should be the ruler and the one who are given the authority in decision making for the whole sphere of home life, which in the contrary the husband did because in some cases the wife is at work and the husband are the one who left at home.
Other problems in marrige and family relationships as additional for our study which we can also consider as negative factors that result in marriage and family failures. Christians who spend a great deal of time counseling married couples report that four primary factors are seem to lie behind the failed marriages of those who claim to be biblically-oriented.
The first factor is improper choices. Literature produced by Christian counselors seems to indicate that some marriages are directed toward trouble from the beginning, due to unwise and sometimes thoughtless choices, In these relationships there is too much dependence on chemistry. Often there is a high degree of infatuation and too little concern about personality and other aspects of the relationship.
The second factor is unrealistic expectations. Often, when couples have serious problems in the relationship, one or both partners entered the relationshi expecting virtual perfection or instant change toward perfection from th other person. People do not change just because they have stood before an altar and said, "I do!"
The third factor is inadequate preparation. Serious problems sometimes develop because of differences that could have been worked out if the couple had received wise and careful guidance in preparing for marriage. Such differences can be so well developed before the couple has the spiritual maturity to grapple with them that the relationship may be far down the wrong parth before any corrective effort is expended. When it comes to marital problems, the old adage, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," is certainly true.
The fourth factor is unbiblical thingking. This may exist in our expectations, values, goals or standards, and ideas of how to relate to another person in a close relationship. Unbiblical thingking not only causes serious troubles in an individual's life, but is compounded in married life.
III. GOAL OF THE THERAPY
The goal of family and marriage therapy is to help family members improve communication, solve family problems, understand and handle special family situations (for example, divorce, death of one member of the family, serious physical or mental illness, or children issues), and create a better functioning home environment. Couples must learn to face these differences of opinion and establish ways to carefully and prayerfully talk out their differences. For families with one member who has a serious physical or mental illness, family therapy can educate families about the illness and work out problems associated with care of the family member. For children and adolescents, family therapy most often is used when the child or adolescent has a personality, anxiety, or mood disorder that impairs their family and social functioning, and when a stepfamily is formed or begins having difficulties adjusting to the new family life. Families with members from a mixture of racial, cultural, and religious backgrounds.
One of the main goal of family and marriage therapy is to strengthen the bonds within the family. Finding a solution to relationship problems and addressing issues facing families will help them better function with each other and independently.
IV. FUNCTION OF THE THERAPIST
The role of the family and marriage therapist is to serve as the counselor to both the couples as well as the children and work with families and couples in intimate relationships to nurture change and development. Therapist tends to view change in terms of the systems of interaction between family members. It emphasizes family relationships as an important factor in psychological health. The skills of the family therapist thus include the ability to influence conversations in a way that catalyzes the strengths, wisdom, and support of the wider system.
After an initial evaluation, therapists will decide if ongoing therapy, individualized therapy, group therapy or behavioral therapy is needed. The therapist may also make a medical referral out to a physician or pediatrician if they feel medical assistance is needed.
V. METHODS AND TECHNIQUES
Involving families in solutions is often beneficial. This involvement of families is commonly accomplished by their direct participation in the therapy session. Therapist may needed to use instructions and application of biblical principles in facing and resolving family-related problems considering apostolic teaching in 1 Corinthians 7 in the Bible. Therapist can also use techniques in the internet which is fostering the growth of online programs that make courses and programs in family therapy more widely accessible. Using mass media techniques to increase public understanding of issues in family therapy has added a new frontier for amplification in the future and may also uses a range of counseling and other techniques including:
- communication theory
- media and communications psychology
- psychoeducation
- psychotherapy
- relationship education
- systemic coaching
- systems theory
- reality therapy
